Addiction and Recovery, Blog, Diary entry

Jealousy – the gorgeous little whispers about what we really want.

Late last night I received a facebook message from a wonderful gal who I know through doing a Recovery 2.0 online course with Tommy Rosen three years ago.

She’s a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, gorgeous, glowing woman who was both able to be vulnerable about her own pain while compassionate and supportive of everyone else’s.  She was much loved in our little recovery community and I connected with her during the course, as bulimia is something we were both struggling with.

But she lives in the States and I lived in South Africa and life moves on, and we hadn’t spoken in years!

Two nights ago, out of the blue she sent me a lovely little meme about what it means to be a beautiful woman. It was the perfect message at the perfect time.  I responded, and the following night she replied;
“I’m finally healing and well that was such a ride – binge eating and exercise bulimia just about did me in …. I am finally going to launch a website and a course if I can get my act together this year 🙂  it’s been a lifetime in the making so hopefully the final stages won’t trip me up and I will be able to help other people through their suffering – I always wondered if I would feel whole again and I do, so happy ending – it just took about 10 years longer than I had planned ha ha”

My green-eyed monster flared up something MASSIVE!
What!!  She’s beat me to it!!?  Goddamn.  And here I thought I was doing so well!!!

Mel Robbins reckons that when we feel jealous it’s a good thing – a little whisper from the universe that there is something we haven’t achieved (yet).  Or that there is something we want to be, but aren’t (yet).  Jealousy is then a useful little reminder of what we want for ourselves.

I was sooooo jealous when the notification of her message arrived on my iphone that it took me a full 24 hours to actually read her message properly (I had only skimmed when it came in as a notification on my locked screen). And then it took another hour after that to let her words sink in.  I just couldn’t respond to her with authentic joy because I wanted to spit!

And then I thought about what Mel Robbins says,
“The next time you’re jealous—pay attention. There’s a message in feeling jealous, and it’s not about disliking another person. It’s your unrealized dreams trying to get your attention.”

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And Mel is absolutely spot on.  The minute I realised my jealousy was merely showing me what I truly wanted I was released from those nasty green feelings and almost immediately felt excited for her and thrilled that she’d made it and was on her way to becoming a first class coach!!

And lastly, her message was a wonderful reminder that I am not alone.  That other beautiful women fought this battle and won.  I have a tribe.  And this incredible woman is in it!

When I am tooled up and finally able to help others recover from their addictions, I will be thrilled and honoured to be her ally, her contemporary, and her friend.

To be frank this is not a competition.
There is no “winner takes all” here.
There is just a wealth of people struggling in the chains of binge-eating disorders who need desperate help, and few out there who can truly give it.
The world needs more eating disorder recovery coaches, and it’s my job to keep my ego in check, be patient, and put one foot in front of the other.  One day at a time.

Another little piece of wisdom comes to mind.
“God, Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change.
The coursge to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference”.

I am not in AA and I am not religious, but AMEN to that!