Blog, Career

Why you should choose a career before choosing a partner

A client who’s just been through a nasty break up said to me today, “I understand that I should choose a career that I love, but if I had all of that and he wasn’t in it, then I don’t see the point of it all.”

All of us can relate to that right?  What’s the point of doing what we love if we don’t have someone that we love in our lives? 

That’s a tough question.  But the answer is simple.

It’s important that we chose not a career, but a “calling”.  Intensely cheesy, I know, but there’s a difference between a job that brings home the bucks vs doing something each day that fills us up, challenges us, makes use of our talents and gives space for us to tap into our potential.  Doing something each day that calls us to be the best version of ourselves brings with it a deep sense of fulfilment, and more often than not, great joy and pride.

We’ve all seen it again and again and again – people who aren’t using their talents and living the fullest expression of themselves, who spend 70% of their week at work, feeling fundamentally unsatisfied.

Career dissatisfaction rears its ugly head in all of our relationships. It comes out in frightening ways with the people we love most, but worst of all it eats at our relationship with ourself.  Self-loathing, lack of self respect, self flagellation, self harm – it all stems from the nasty feeling that we’re “not good enough”. It’s not just our perception that we’re not good enough for others that can be detrimental, but that deep down we don’t feel good enough for ourselves.  That we’re not matching up with who we know ourselves to be. 

And yet, if we answer our heart’s yearnings, and do something that truly fulfils us, then we go home in a space of pride, excitement and joy, and we bring that to the relationships we’re in. 

Ignoring our calling is a recipe for disaster – whether it manifests in self-harm, or in harming others, the disconnect between who we are and who we know we could be will gnaw at you relentlessly until if finds expression.

As a caveat to this however – it’s important to note that our “calling” may shift and change as we grow older.  Our nutritional needs change, our exercise needs change, it’s only natural that our “career” needs may change too. And that’s cool.  When heart’s yearnings change then you can change right along with it. Nothing wrong with that. Just be opening to listening and responding and working always towards meeting the needs of your heart.   You’ll find a way to balance them with your health and finances, and you’ll bring a better version of yourself to your relationships as a result.

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