“I’m sitting with an intense desire to binge.
All I want to do right now, in this moment, is give in one last time and try again tomorrow.
My breathing is shallow, my heart is racing, my body is on high alert – begging me to walk back to the kitchen and just let go.
So I’m doing my best to shift all of my focus and all of my energy back into something that I love. Reminding myself that this feeling will pass.
I put on some music.
I TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
A BIG ….. DEEP …. BREATH.
I think of the money I’ll put in my binge buster account.
I think of the pride I’ll feel when my head hits the pillow tonight.
I remind myself that getting through this intense urge will mean that there will be fewer down the line. And then I think of what you said about some binge urges being signals that something else is wrong, and I wonder what that could be?
Immediately the answer comes to me – it’s the fear that’s been with me for a few months now – the fear of running out of money before lockdown properly lifts.
The fear that I will have to go, cap in hand, and borrow from my family again.
The fear and the frustration that I am doing everything that I can think of to prevent this from happening, and yet, and nothing seems to be working.
And the shame that I might be a failure in their eyes again.
I can’t bear to go back there.
Back to being a failure.
And so right now, I would like to eat.
To calm me, and numb me, and make it all okay for just a little while.
I TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
That feels better.
Recognising that I am scared.
That it is fear, not hunger, that’s pestering me and asking me to eat.
I TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
That feels better.
It’s all going to be okay.
And for today, at least, I will just keep doing my best. For today, I won’t let fear lead me into a binge.
Instead I’m going to have a shower and do the next right thing.
And I’ll take a few more big deep breaths. It’s all going to be okay.”
I received this from a client, and thought it was powerful!
She kindly let me share it with you.
I hope you resonated with it, the same way i did.
If you’re struggling with binge urges today….I hope her words help you take a deep breath and take the next right step.
BIG LOVE 💕 xxx
Helen Bennett 